Of getting sold a lemon and new words

I do my best to be open minded when I meet someone new. Having been judged countless times for my tattoos, the way I dress, or some other perceived privilege, I try not to do the same to someone else. It’s said that it only takes a few seconds after meeting someone to set up a positive or negative opinion.

I seriously question myself when I find out I’ve been duped. Someone sells me a Ferrari and I end up with a Hyundai. I’ll get along with someone and start to like them, only to find out they aren’t who they initially presented themselves to be. I ask myself how I let it get that far and what I could have done to prevent it. Of course I’m upset with the offender, but I’m more upset with myself. I do my best to present myself as authentic and I expect the same of others. I’m baffled when people prove to be liars or fakes.

Maybe it’s the former heavy drinker in me, but I have little tolerance for lying. I may tell a small lie to not hurt someone’s feelings, but even then I hesitate. It’s just not worth it. I always tell people I prefer to be punched in the face than stabbed in the back. At least if you’re punching me in the face, I have a chance to duck. In both recent instances, the person looked me in the face and lied. Not even a stretch of the truth. It was a flat out, no basis in reality, brightly colored falsehood. Their motives were entirely different, but the end result was the same. I wasn’t sorry at all to see them go. No permanent damage was done, but I’ll never give them the benefit of the doubt again. If someone asks my opinion, I’ll give an honest answer. I won’t give them the opportunity to fool me again. Boy always jokes that if he ended up being an evil clone, I would kill him after the first sign he wasn’t himself. At least we have that sorted out in our relationship.

Keeping it real and being yourself can be a challenge, especially if you aren’t sure what “being yourself” even means. In a world that demands perfection, it’s hard to allow the the less pretty parts to be seen. I remember in 3rd grade when we were going through our vocabulary books, my BFF’s favorite new word was “flaw”. It wasn’t a negative word to her. It was a new way to describe something without any judgement attached. She would point something out and say “there’s a flaw in it”. Looking back on that 20+ years later, she was on the right track. It’s just a way to describe something. There’s no point in lying to cover your flaws. They’ll float to the surface sooner or later. All in all, it takes a lot less energy to tell the truth.

Here’s to being honest with ourselves and those around us. *clinks fizzy water can*



Motivational Monday: Money Honey

Piggy backing off last week’s post about knowing your price, this week is about relationships with money.

I don’t know about y’all, but I have a very, very abusive relationship with money. I’ve been evaluating my budget recently, especially after dropping $1000 on my car and $550 on a plane ticket. Both were paid out of my savings account. That’s exactly what the savings account is for. It’s for unexpected expenses like twiddling my thumbs on getting a ticket to Virginia for my niece’s birthday or replacing my brakes so I don’t, you know, end up in a car accident. Yet I’m still beating myself up over it.

I should have planned better.

I should have been able to pay it out of my checking account. 

I need to stop buying frivolous things like nail polish and clothes or eating out all the time.

And the list goes on. Like most beliefs and tenets, they’re formed when you’re very young. My mom in particular complains about the cost of things or comments frequently how the family has “no money”. Mind you, I grew up in the suburbs, went to private school my entire life (that includes college), and my sister and I never wanted for anything. That does make one raise an eyebrow. I only really got a concept of what things cost when I started working. By that point, the beliefs were ingrained in me. I’m certainly not inches away from poverty. Even if I didn’t live with Boy, I could very easily pay rent and all my other bills. However, I also don’t know anyone who would turn down more money.

Just like abstinence only sex education doesn’t work, neither does abstinence only budgeting. I may beat myself up over “frivolous” spending, but I’d be a hell of a lot more miserable if I stuck to paying the bills, putting most of what’s left in savings, and not allowing for many fun purchases at all. Boy, on the other hand, is a stereotypical Jew. We may not understand the other one’s financial philosophy, but it doesn’t make one better than the other. It just means he pays for dinner more than I do. 😛

Just like with any other negative self talk, I have to remind myself it’s a bunch of bullshit. I’m a perfectionist to a fault (just read the personality test). I have to have a perfect body, walk out of the house impeccably dressed and coiffed, drink green smoothies twice a day, and manage my money so it’s perfectly balanced. No one is ever going to be that perfect. It’s not possible. Sometimes, a girl just needs a new purse, though not at the expense of the rent. N’est pas?

Motivational Tidbit Takeaway: Money may make the world go ’round, but you get to decide which direction it spins.