Of cleaning – physical and emotional

Who knew that cleaning could make you sore? Though carrying 60 pound boxes up 3 flights of stairs can also do the trick. Boy & I deep cleaned his old apartment this weekend in preparation for his official move out. We also moved out the last of his stuff. I’m not a huge fan of cleaning, but there’s something satisfying about taking a messy place and making it as clean as it possibly can be. And the calorie burn doesn’t hurt either. Boy got us both pedometers / calorie counters for our anniversary and it’s been interesting to see how much I burn in a normal day. I’ve been really interested to see how long my usual walking route at work is. That will be investigated during my lunch break. It’s a remarkably nice day for August in Georgia so I might spend the whole hour walking and not melt.

On the emotional cleaning end, today was the first day I rode to work with my coworker. He’s basically an overgrown frat boy. If I get even a whiff of frat boy, my hackles go up. For those who don’t recall, my abuser was a frat boy. When Boy & I were out shopping yesterday, I saw plenty of t-shirts with Greek letters walking around (though none were his letters, I noticed). On the one hand, it’s easier to approach him with the understanding that despite his age, his behaviour is about half that number. On the other hand, there’s still a lot of old pain there that’s fairly easily stirred up. I’ve managed to avoid situations like this for a very long time. The (frequently) all male DUI classes somewhat prepared me for this scenario. They were a bunch of stoners which was also one of my abuser’s habits. I navigated that situation pretty well. This is the next step in the healing process. I’m going to be riding with this guy for at least 3 months almost every day, twice a day. I want that time to be tolerable. Throwing yourself out of a moving vehicle is painful from what I’ve heard. I’m looking at this as an opportunity to heal some old wounds a bit more and take from this situation what I can.

On a very positive note, I’ve gone a week without a seizure. I think I’ve even stopped having them in my sleep. I see my regular doctor again in about 10 days and called her with a few questions this morning. If things keep going in this direction, I’ll be back on the road in February. I’ll still feel a little twichy, especially if it’s around the time I need to take my medication, but otherwise I feel worlds better. Boy said he’s noticed I seem more positive and optimistic. It’s funny how little things can make you feel grown up and less like you suck at being an adult. I scheduled some bills to be paid and called my doctor as soon as I could. I’ve had a lot of different emotions rolling around over the past few days and it was nice to feel like I had a few things under control. I know I’m not nearly as out of control or as much of a screw up as I feel like, but we’re our own worst critics. If paying bills and making phone calls makes me feel like I have my shit together, I’ll take it.

Today’s things that make me smile list:

*Playing hide and seek with a kitten this morning.

*Getting compliments on my outfit.

*The insanely amazing and awesome support network near and far I’ve had during the past few months.

*Finding a pair of boots (all leather made in Italy and can’t get in the states) almost exactly what I wanted for $20.

*Sitting out in the sun this morning, sipping my latte, waiting to be picked up and just enjoying the moment.


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