Hello friends! I promised an update of everyone’s favorite drinking game & I’m the kind of girl who keeps her promises. I will actually be playing the whole thing in real time (not with actual alcohol obvs) tonight with a recent BSB convert of mine. Tomorrow is actually the first anniversary of my dad’s death. I need something to look forward to & binge watching BSB videos pretending I’m drinking actual alcohol seems like a good idea. The rules really haven’t changed, though there have been a few additions (like new music! Yippee!) & some deletions. This will still be split into 2 entries as it’s just too damn long to cram into one. Ready or not, here we go.
Zee rules:
- Set outside. This is including, but not limited to; fields, basketball courts, beaches, & parks. Two shots if a rain machine is involved.
- Every initial shot of Kevin brooding OR he dumps water / a sports drink / some other liquid on himself like he’s Magic Mike.
- Every time Nick points at the camera, but only with 1 hand. Two hands is a no go.
- Every “vomit tease” What is a “vomit tease”, you ask? Grabbing one’s stomach & leaning over OR grabbing one’s stomach & leaning on a wall for support. This can also include leaning over bridges or balconies. Two shots if it’s Brian.
- Every time Howie has his shirt off or open. Two shots if he takes it off during the video.
- Every time AJ makes the prayer gesture OR he’s wearing a midriff bearing / fishnet / sheer shirt.
- Miming the lyrics (maximum of 3 shots. You’ll thank me later.)
- As always, I am free to add shots whenever I feel like it because there’s some stupid shit that goes down over the course of 21 years (I’m only using their US career).
“Get Down”
Final Shot Tally: 3 (1 Nick point, Miming the lyrics (x2))
Commentary: Don’t ask me how I missed this one on the first round. Maybe YouTube was hiding it from me. I don’t know. Regardless, this one had fewer shots than I thought it would for their early work. Of course, they were also dancing on a CGI disco ball wearing pants that all of them could fit into. Welcome to the early 90s. Nick never fails me with his pointing, though. Gotta love a reliable man (boy).
“We’ve Got It Goin’ On”
Final Shot Tally: 3 (2 Nick points, Kevin dumping water on himself)
Commentary: I’m not gonna lie, I’m secondhand embarrassed for them on this one. The intro, the outfits, the whole shebang. It’s kind of like finding pictures of yourself from middle school (unless you were actually cute in middle school in which case I hate you). I got to see them live in Vegas in March 2017 & they performed this song. They cheated the hell out of the choreography. Of course, 40 year old knees don’t perform nearly as well as 20 year old knees, amirite?
“Anywhere For You”
Final Shot Tally: 9 (Set outdoors, 2 Nick points, Howie with his shirt off, Nick vomit tease, Brian vomit tease (x2) – 4 shots total)
Commentary: This is where things start to get ugly. I know they’re from Florida (3 out of 5 ain’t bad). I know there are beaches. I do not know why you would wear three layers on the beach in the middle of the day. Beyond that, one of those layers is velour. I do miss the days when they all had some serious bling in their ears. What’s really slaying me though is the 90s fashion. DID WE NOT ONLY THINK THIS WAS OKAY BUT ACTUALLY ATTRACTIVE? Mon Dieu…
“Quit Playing Games”
Final Shot Tally: 8 (Set outdoors, rain machine, Howie with his shirt off & takes it off (3 shots total), Nick point, Brian vomit tease (2 shots))
Commentary: Not only was this their first video to appear widely in the US, but it was also their highest peaking single ever (#2. How it beat “Everybody” is beyond me). As Kevin described it, they “looked like a bunch of beefcake”. No sweetie. Beefcake implies way more meat on your bones. Howie might have a shot, but the rest of y’all need to have a couple more cheeseburgers before you can earn the title of “beefcake”. However, “appealing to the budding sexual appetites of 13 year old girls” makes them sound like pedophiles. As you were.
At this point, it’s worth noting that we’re halfway through the bastard lovechild of their European / US album. We’ve still got 4 more to go. I know I’m excited.
“All I Have To Give”
Final Shot Tally: 3 (Howie with his shirt open, miming the lyrics, Nick vomit tease)
Commentary: They also performed this one in Vegas & went out into the audience to do so. AJ was in our section & was 12 rows away from me. 12 year old Emily would’ve fainted & 32 year old Emily was definitely getting the vapors. I admit to getting choked up talking about that show because the tickets were the last birthday / Christmas gift my parents gave me before my dad died. They knew how much I love my Boys & paid for the tickets. Mark was kind enough to take videos the entire show for me so I could actually enjoy it. So I guess I don’t have much to say about this video other than it’s probably the closest I’ll ever get to my first love & that show was a gift I’ll treasure for the rest of my life. Sorry y’all. Didn’t mean to kill the mood. Next!
“I’ll Never Break Your Heart”
Final Shot Tally: 9 (Kevin looking broody, AJ’s shirt, Howie with his shirt open, Miming the lyrics (x3), 3 Nick points)
Commentary: This is another one I’m secondhand embarrassed for them. Mostly for Kevin because he had to do that ridiculous spoken intro. The bad grammar is another thing. I want to smack their songwriter because apparently he slept through 4th grade. Also now that I’ve gained the Marriage 30, my cleavage can actually keep up with Howie’s. Go team. The very end doesn’t leave me feeling super confident with Nick & Kevin looking like they’re about ready to punch your lights out. I won’t break your heart, but I will break your face.
“Everybody”
Final Shot Tally: 0
Commentary: You’re Welcome.
“As Long As You Love Me”
Final Shot Tally: 4 (Miming the lyrics, Nick point, Kevin looking broody, Nick vomit tease)
Commentary: I could’ve sworn there was a Nick point in here, but it was with 2 hands. Nick, you failed me. YOU FAILED ME. This also the video where Brian met his wife which is the one piece of trivia even casual fans know. Now that Instagram is a thing & I follow all 5 of them, Leighanne looks like hell. She’s had so much plastic surgery done that I don’t even know where to start. She was cute in the video. There was nothing wrong. Now she looks 10 years older than (I assume) she is. Girl, why? Why? Just let nature take its course. Wear sunscreen, don’t smoke, & you’re set. It’s just sad. At least this dance routine is one that’s held up over the years because it doesn’t require floorwork. It had to happen eventually.
Total shots for the album(ish): 39
We’ve made it! We’ve made it to 1999! Who wants to party? (God rest Prince’s soul). We officially move on to Millennium which I believe sold something crazy like 1 million copies in the first week. I’ll google it later.
“I Want It That Way”
Final Shot Tally: 4 (Miming the lyrics, Nick point, Kevin looking broody, Nick vomit tease)
Commentary: I let the outdoor rule slide because it was only partially outside. This is easily my mom’s favorite of theirs. I know it’s one of their most popular, but it’s probably middle of the pack for me. This should be evident based on the fact I never particularly bothered myself with what “it” is. It also took me 16 years to figure out that the lyrics are reflexive. I was sitting in traffic when I figured that one out. I still like the version I heard all of once where the lyrics went “I love it when I hear you say I want it that way”. The alluded recently to a rejected version of the song which I strongly suspect was that one. I guess I was outvoted.
“Larger Than Life”
Final Shot Tally: 2 (Howie with his shirt off & AJ’s fishnet shirt thingy)
Commentary: I have a theory. The bigger the budget, the fewer the shots. Why? They can afford to do all kinds of crazy shit that doesn’t require outdoor locales, rain machines, or otherwise too much work on the Boys’ part. This video is actually in the top 50 for most expensive music videos EVER made. I don’t think I need to give a lengthy explanation as to why. Throw in a big dance number & you’ve got yourself a music video. Rain machines need not apply.
“Show Me The Meaning Of Being Lonely”
Final Shot Tally: 2 (Brian vomit tease (2 shots))
Commentary: When the intro starts with a dedication to “everyone who has lost a loved one”, I wish I could hit up the wine. It is what it is, it’s part of the game, & it’s only 4:20. [Insert weed reference here]
“The One”
Final Shot Tally: 0
Commentary: This is entirely concert footage, so there’s really nothing to keep track of. The Georgia Dome that held the record for the largest indoor concert in the world no longer exists, but the stadium that stands in its place is itching to take over the title. My mom questioned the structural integrity of the building then & it turned out she wasn’t entirely wrong because it didn’t take that much to implode it. They may not be able to sell out the University of Michigan football stadium anymore (capacity 107,601 and the largest in the country. For scale Philips Arena where the Hawks play has a capacity of 21,000.), but you can bet your ass I’ll be one of the screaming fans on the next tour.
Final Tally for the Album: 8 (enjoy the break while it lasts. The budget is about to go down again.)
Previously, I’d been unable to properly put “Drowning” in the chronology. As it turns out, it was a track added to the Greatest Hits album in 2001. YouTube has blessed us with not one, but TWO versions. A “dry” version & a “wet” version. Yes, the latter is as awful as it sounds.
“Drowning” (Dry Version)
Final Shot Tally: 13 (Set outside, Broody Kevin, AJ prayer gesture, miming the lyrics (x3), 5 Nick points, 1 Nick vomit tease, 1 AJ vomit tease).
Commentary: This one turned into a monster real damn fast. I dunno what I was (or wasn’t) looking at when I did it the first time. My original tally was 8, but upon a rewatch it shot up to 13. I mistook one prayer gesture for AJ when it was actually Brian because they’re wearing the same color jacket. I don’t even know what the hell is going on with Nick, but he set a record at 5 (!!!) points. He may have been making up for ALAYLM. I’m only officially counting 1 Nick vomit tease, but in reality you could start pouring shots at the beginning & just keep going because he clings onto that damn column like his life depends on it through the whole thing. This has now officially tied “Incomplete” for highest shot count. Yikes.
“Drowning” (Wet Version)
Final Shot Tally: 9 (Set outside (it’s CGI, but I’m counting it), rain machine (see previous point), AJ’s shirt, Broody Kevin, miming the lyrics (x3), 2 Nick points)
Commentary: This. Was. Awful. That’s literally all I can say about this hot mess on toast that landed face down on a cat turd. You’ll see what I mean when you watch it.
Final Shot Tally for Both Versions: 22
We’ve made it! If you had been playing this with actual alcohol, you would’ve consumed 69oz so far which translates to roughly 2.75 bottles of your liquor of choice or a standard sized bottle of wine. Unless you’re a degenerate alcoholic, you’d probably be dead right now. This is why I don’t advocate playing with actual booze. I’m playing with Gatorade & my sidekick is playing with orange juice (sans champagne).
In Round 2 we’ll tackle Black & Blue, Never Gone, the Dark Years (i.e. those without Kevin), the 2013 reunion, & their new single. Go pee.
XOXO!
Beautiful Scars 